Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
