the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
