It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
