I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
