"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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