the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
