dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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