For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
