Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
