I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
