1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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