If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
