oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have feelings that need drinking.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
