you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Come on in and take your pants off
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