imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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