And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
