you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
