Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can I color on your dick again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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