Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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