it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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