Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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