well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
