you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
