woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize