and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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