i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
