theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
