I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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