I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
