Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
