We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was like eating out sand paper
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
