So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
