There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
