I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
