The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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