Your tits are I can't wait for
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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