I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
