He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
