There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
