That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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