u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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