the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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