This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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