I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
