i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
