I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
