i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
