OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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