My underwear smells like fireworks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
