Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
well you can't waste a boner
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
